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Every moment counts…so never overlook a parking lot penny.  I think perhaps I could have easily been one, but you took the time to stop, reach down…and put me in your pocket. I have been getting polished there ever since.  I remember well the moment you took me into your life with a simple kind gesture.  It was also the moment I took you into my heart for the duration.

A parking lot penny might be a smile from a stranger, or a smile you give away. A parking lot penny might lie there tarnished and abandoned.  We all know it is bad luck to pick up a penny that isn’t face-up. Well, I believe a tails-up penny is akin to a phone with caller ID.  I may not be looking forward to a call from that number.  I might not have felt like being bothered…stopping and bending down to rescue a mere cent from the roadway when I have a pocket full of dollars and silver…but I know a few of those calls from unknown areas codes have been to inform me of news that ranged from births to cancer discovered, of marriages planned to death impending.  Pick up that tired old facedown penny.  I myself have been face down in the dirt, metaphorically speaking, and I have been the number on your caller ID…all I needed was to hear a kind hello, a voice to acknowledge I still exist and am worthy of a moment spent and a place there in your pocket.

A tails-up penny can be a movie or TV show your sweetie would like to watch but you aren’t real keen on.  Pick up his or her penny. It will be noted, and you just might enjoy it because you’re watching it with a loved one. A small gesture on your part to retrieve that parking lot penny might mean the world to a special someone.  Once your pocket is well lined with their pennies, you might have won their heart.  Little things really do add up to bigger things.  I know what it did to me when others passed by, leaving my pennies lying there. I also know what reaching down to pick up a few pennies have done for others and for me.

I have met old veterans of every war since WWI. After over 60 years away from the battlefields, ships, and planes, these old guys are still haunted by the sights, sounds, and smells of places they’ve been. These friends are the most treasured parking lot pennies of all.  NEVER step over and past one of these.  Once their hearts and voices are stilled, those stories and generations will vanish for good. Pick up the pennies they lay out for you. Thank them for what they have done and put that penny in your shirt pocket over your heart…then shake their hand.

I’m not wealthy. Some days even the mere penny collection means more to me than I care to admit.  But I am proud to tell you that in my heart’s pocket, I’ve a collection of moments…of times when souls have picked up my pennies, and a moment for each of the pennies I’ve taken in.  After a while, little gestures add up to genuine care. That care builds to compassion and compassion to love…and love makes us worthy.

After a while, when I note my parking lot is free of the pennies I’ve left waiting there, I am aware of the moments I was worthy…of a smile, or a hello at the end of the line, of sharing good news with, or of being a “sought-after shoulder” when the news was troubled. I am aware of the journeys I have been on in pockets here and there…I asked for nothing in return. A collection of parking lot pennies is far more valuable than just the copper cents that might add to a dollar. They add up to character, to listening to the minute details a child might share with boundless enthusiasm…over a caterpillar, or a fish on a line.  Most of my life was parking lot pennies.  The first fifteen years or so were all mere pennies to most of the souls older than I…yet I still recall those who listened to and collected me, one penny at a time.

My collection of parking lot pennies are the letters I treasure, the hugs that linger on, the laughter that leads to happy tears. They are the tears shared together that are eventually replaced by laughter when pennies are counted again in the moments we reminisce.  My pennies are the songs that remind me of you and the lines from movies we watched together.

A parking lot penny is the joy of looking at a grade school teacher’s faded photograph and knowing that her love put your penny into her pocket…and helped make you the person you are today. If you find her, remind her of that penny and that you still recall the moment she knelt down to touch your cheek and took an extra moment to make the concept clear…and at the same time deemed you valuable and worth a moment of her divided time.

In my heart and memory, I have stacks and jars of the pennies I’ve collected. They don’t add up to much to a passerby, but to me, and the folks that left them out to be picked up, they are, a penny at a time; the world.  They give value to life itself.  So too are the pennies I’ve left out for you to find…I knew you’d pick them up eventually. Life is good in your warm pocket…and it is good to have yours in mine.

Thanks for reading my thoughts today…and by the way…You just picked up one of my parking lot pennies. Spend it well, as did I…Matthew L Landsman

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I used to have songbirds outside of my home. They were fat, seemingly
cheerful…did their uplifting chirping and singing…for whatever
reasons…It was a prosperous time for the songbirds…They reproduced,
pulled worms from the ground, ate millions of bugs, and raised my
spirits on a daily basis…especially after a long winter spent without
them.

When times were good, it rained quite a bit, there were plenty
of bugs for the birds to eat, worms came to the top of the turf and
garden…The birds flourished, the bugs were devoured, the soil was
aerated and the world around me was filled with joyous sounds.

One of
neighbors noticed that along with the songbirds came some less favored
starlings, less favored this, less favored that. But there were but a
few here and there…and still less favored by some…
As time went by,
the rains dwindled, the bugs dissipated, the worms went further into the
soil, and the songbirds were suddenly too plentiful…too dense to be
supported by the land.

I loved the songs, the witnessing of creation
of life, the young birds pleading their hungry cases from nests hidden
away among the branches…Sensing their plight, I watered my lawn and
trees, asked friends to help out with providing a birdhouse here, a
pound of seed there. To water the lawn if I were away, or feed the
songbirds if I ran out of seed. We all cared about the birds, and our
spirits were elated and lifted by their joyful noise. In a word, I loved
the birds…as did a lot of neighbors and friends…we pooled our resources
to see to the tending of the songbirds and all they brought to our
world…

But SOME of the folks nearby, and a lot from not so nearby
noticed the use of water, the use of seeds, the noise and bustle. And
they saw too, the starlings, the hungry squirrels, the bugs, the bumpy
ground from a population of worms doing what worms do…They saw some good
folks doing what they could to help the songbirds survive…And soon ALL
they saw was the starlings, the squirrels, the lumps in the lawns, the
bugs and webs around their porch lights…and soon even, no, especially,
the songbirds became the plight of the land. A burden and a thing closer
to beasts than blessings…Even though they were vital, vivacious and a
part of the larger cycle of life. They were deemed bad, because feeding
them might feed the starlings, the squirrels; bring out bugs and bumps…

So
my songbirds were left without water, without a mantle of green leaves
and worm filled ground…The songs ceased, the nests were left exposed,
the flowers withered, the squirrels dug out hidden stashes, the
starlings ravaged the crop and hive…and the air grew silent, the ground
left lumpy and dry…and the songbirds vanished after they suffered…

But
the annoyed souls celebrated and were proud…as the bugs were scarce,
the starlings struggled…and the waters sat behind dams and
reservoirs…just in case of emergency…And the chosen few reveled in the
silence…had flowers delivered, and vacationed in places where green was
plentiful, and birds sang from boughs overhead…that tended to annoy
them, but at least the starlings and squirrels weren’t still being
accidentally fed…

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Just wanted you to know…I’m doing better now. I want to explain some things and hope it helps. I know its all been very hard.

I went on to heaven, a little at a time. I didn’t want to leave you all, all at once.

But in the process, there was a lot of misplacing memories, a lot mistaking faces…There was a lot of letting go…a lot of holding on…But all my precious memories made it here…a little at a time.

It might have seemed to some of the younger ones that I’d forgotten who you were…maybe I thought you were someone else…your parent, or an aunt or uncle.  Let me tell you how this works. The memories I hold inside were sent on ahead of me…a few at a time. If you were younger, there were fewer for me to have gathered in such little time. So if it seemed I’d forgotten you first, oh little one…that’s just not so. The recollections of our precious moments together already waited for me here when I would finally arrive.
Like I said, I went on to heaven a little at a time…and the things I’d known the longest simply took a little longer to be gathered and carried on ahead.

The last things to go were the first things I came to know…the music of my youth, the day of my first bicycle ride…And my first sweetie…my only one…Perhaps a brother, my mom and dad who’d gone on ahead.  All of this stayed the longest there with all of you and me till the end. Older memories take longer to shake loose and be readied for the journey. But all of it was, in the end, sent on to heaven…a little at a time.

As for the moments I spoke to those already gone on ahead…It wasn’t you to whom I directed my words…They were here where I am now, and we convened and they beckoned me to this place, and helped take care of the memories till I retrieved them.  They are all here and called me home as I made that journey…a little at a time.

In the end, I know I was old and it seemed I knew little, as my memories were already here where I am now.

And in the end, I knew you’d gather on a weekend, and I hoped the sun would shine…And a little at a time, I hoped you’d forgot how it was in the end, and that you too would begin to see things the way I had…and recall when I, and you too, were younger…and those gone on were still around…And a little at a time, I hoped you too will begin to forget how things were for a while.

I love all of you, and all our times so much you know…that is the reason for the long goodbye. There are so many memories and they can only be sent on…a little at a time.

And I hope that when I send the memories of me in happier times down for you to recall on holidays and evenings when a fire is needed to keep warm…I hope that you recall, a little at a time…the movies without special effects, the music and private dances on a worn living room floor…And I hope you one day realize that the memories of my sweetie were the hardest for me to let go and be sent on ahead to wait for me… the last for me to know…and when the music ended, and I last let go your hand…I only had to wait a little while, to join all my memories again.

My heart is full, and I can now recall every moment you thought I’d forgotten…and it is you now that will begin to lose track of the detail. It is you who will polish and preserve just the warmest of them all…And a little at a time, you‘ll realize, that soon, we’ll dance again…and one by one…we’ll all get together.  I’ll be there waiting for you one
and all…to reunite you with your memories, that were sent here…a little at a time.  I will see some of you here all at once, but mostly…I’ll be waiting for the rest of you as you are sent here as was I, a little at a time…

Matthew L Landsman

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Signs of spring…

I saw signs of new green on the road to Walla Walla this week. Winter
wheat a few inches high…and a fringe of fresh shoulder grass on the
edge of the road. I smelled fresh plowed ground. It was foggy and
mostly bleak…but one must look closely, have an open mind…and a
smaller glass to avoid the “half empty/half full” syndrome in the early
part of February.

Today I heard a songbird…life has returned to my desert abode.  My smaller glass is overflowing…and I am stronger knowing that I’ve survived my 50th winter on God’s green, sometimes snow and frost covered earth.

It’s not quite time to store away the down and wool, but soon the splitting of kindling and cord wood will be but a memory.  I am grateful for my foul weather friends…for the warm hours on the phone when midnights left me chilled and otherwise abandoned…but never really alone…

I’ll see you when the bud is on the rose bush in my front yard…and the
robin gathers sprigs of last year’s spent grasses to build her home in
my sycamore…and I too will roam the desert in search of breaks in the
clouds, and love…

Matthew L Landsman, February 2010

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I got the call for kickstands up a little sooner than the rest.

I’m ridin on ahead…I’ll meet you all up the road.

Off in the distance, you’ll hear the twins report.

And you’ll wonder who’s off ridin…

It’s me.

I got a new patch today…like you’ve never seen before,

hand sewn by an angel just outside of heaven’s door.

I let ‘er idle and had a cold one with Peter right there at the gates…

He told me “son you’re gonna love this ride…all your brothers here heard you got
the call…Kickstand up  biker brother, they’re waitin just around the bend…”

They’re the spirit of the Patriot Guard,

The wipe of your brow after a real close call.

I’m with ‘em now, lookin’ out for you,

for when you next hear the highway beckon you…

I’m the straight shots you’ll hear up over the next rise,

a tail light you’ll never quite catch up to…

I’m the angel next to you when you take to the left and pass a long tandem.

Raise your glasses,

get off your asses.

Kickstands up all…

You take my smile with you…

But I’ve ridden on ahead.

I’m getting the place ready for a ride one day when you get the call…

But don’t hurry on my account. You’ll get your patch soon enough.

There’s a great group up here…and it’s always warm…

No matter where we ride, it’s always ahead of the storm.

And ever so often we’ll gather up around that bend…

and say “kickstands up all…the ride’s just startin’,

and Peter’s welcoming an old friend.”

Note:      In biker speak:

“straight shots” are exhaust pipes with no muffler.

“twins report” is the sound from twin exhaust pipes

“a patch” goes on a cyclist’s leather vest

“kickstands up” means that if a group is meeting for a ride, the time the group starts the
ride. (If scheduled to start at 10 a.m., the kickstands go up at 10 a.m. and the ride starts).

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I recently drove to Walla Walla, Washington, from my home some sixty miles away, to visit with my oldest friend, an eighty seven year old Chaplain at the Veteran’s Affairs Facility. We became friends this year while I was filling a six-month contract to deploy new computer equipment in the offices and medical facilities on the campus there.

Over a six-month period, beginning in early spring, I drove the stretch of two lane blacktop between the gap at the Wallula Junction and through the winding hills along Washington State Highway 12. This stretch of road is about thirty miles long, cutting a picturesque path through rolling hills and rocky outcroppings along the way.

This is historic country, settled long ago…explored by the likes of Lewis and Clark. The land is used for winter wheat, vineyards, cattle-grazing, horse pasture, and some row crops. Many dozens of old family farming operations mark the divisions of ground with fence lines. Some are new and painted while others are simply weathered post and rusted wire.

This is Americana in the West, the sort of setting described in a Louis L’Amour novel. Today, blacktop leads to gravel roads, streams lead to small rivers…America at its finest in a quiet evolving painting through the four seasons.

This road is kissed, sometimes beaten down by swirling winds that seem to come from several directions at once. I drove the road beginning in early spring, when there is little vegetation on perennial trees, few objects provided in nature to indicate the presence of a wind at all. Driving this piece of history some days became a bit of an adventure, when the prevailing winds were invisible to the eye while I drove. I often had to stop and open a door to see if either I had a low tire or if, in fact, the wind had cropped up from the Columbia River Gorge coming from the direction of Portland, Oregon to the west and out of the Blue Mountains nearby.

The ridges along this road are marked by many dozens, hundreds in fact, of huge windmills to generate power for the regional grid. But on a very windy day, the mills are shut down as the speed of the turning blades can’t be moderated after a certain point. So I might be driving in a gale with no real indication of wind at all, other than the adverse effect it may have on the handling of my lightweight car.

Over the course of weeks in early spring, as I drove this road, my writer’s mind had plenty of scenery to take in, many tales to extract from the farms and old buildings in towns with names such as Touchet, and Lowden. Wooden grain elevators and long ago abandoned buildings– that once housed stores, shops to repair tractor and plow, dry goods, a post office and bus stops– mark the way.

There was one thing sorely absent on the horizons, in yards of homes, businesses, shops…anywhere that patriotic souls reside, work, and gather along this historic stretch of western heartland…Flags. Visible from the highway I am able to count maybe a dozen good old American Stars and Stripes being displayed to mark pride and support of a nation at war for a decade now.

Solitary sentry in the wind…

This road leads to a campus that consists of buildings that existed since the late 1800’s as a military support facility. Fort Walla Walla is also in the vicinity…And now the facility cares for and counsels members of the military from every era beginning with World War II.  Americana is at its finest here…with little display of our country’s symbol to be found on the main road leading up to it.

While looking out over the countryside for indicators to help me gauge the wind as I drove, I was compelled to feel in fact that winds of change have led many of our citizens to inexplicably fold and store away the flags that once marked community far and wide, during times of both war and peace…Peace being earned during times of war…and sacrifices being made by so many to wage war and to preserve peace.

Since 9-11 occurred in 2001, our country has been involved in military operations abroad, attempting to root out the perpetrators of terror and discontent both here and at its source…Hundreds of thousands of military personnel have been shipped out, and into harm’s way, for the better part of ten years now.

I cannot understand why the flag has vanished from sight. I have no clue if folks are less patriotic, scared of our enemies, unhappy with the current political climate, or just too busy to remember to raise the flag…no matter I guess. So I drive with no traditional indicator of the speed and direction of winds outside my car, and the winds of change leave me wondering at the direction and speed of the state of our community and union here.

There are several irrigation pivots used to water various crops along this road. I see each pivot has an American flag mounted atop of it. This is a nice sight for a couple miles near the crest of a stretch of road known as Nine Mile Hill. About a half dozen of these circles are marked by the flag, and I am sure that along with a farmer’s patriotic stance, there is an operational reason for the flags being strategically placed there. It’s nice to see them displayed at the sight of a western extension of the American bread basket.

Nine Mile Hill irrigation circle…

Along this road, I met a recently retired U.S Marine. He was about ten years younger than my fifty years. He’d spent twenty years of his youth serving our country. In those two decades, I imagine he’s been called upon to serve in the first Gulf War, and perhaps the current involvements in Iraq and Afghanistan, to live away from family, and from friends–other than his brothers and sisters in arms. I can guess he’s been deployed to lands where foreign tongues and traditions prevail. I would further venture that a lot of the places and people he gladly protected and defended could have cared little, or not at all, of his sacrifice in their land so far from his home. Still, for twenty years he served, stood in harm’s way for strangers both here at home and abroad. That is after all, what American military members do in this world…

This handsome young Marine had a family too–a dedicated wife and two children, both a daughter and a son. In the midst of his time serving our country, he was busy also living the American dream…All the while, he selflessly stood ready to preserve our right to the American dream…and the dream to provide some semblance of peace, civility and a human dignity in any number of inhospitable places around the globe. That is what our Marines do…what young fathers, sons, husbands, brothers, nephew…and their female counterparts do in this great patriotic country. And today, all are volunteers from day one.

How did I meet this recently retired Marine, along this stretch of road in the middle of a historic piece of America here in the Pacific Northwest?

He and his family were stranded on the side of the road. They were within sight of several of those American flags atop the irrigation circle pivots. It was 107 degrees outside. I was sweating in my car even with the air conditioning laboring on high settings. There was no breeze, no clouds…Just the unrelenting sun. Even the buzzards were grumpy on this day…

I could see, for quite a distance, the back of a somewhat tired Ford Explorer with its hood up. I could see a couple hay stacks several yards off the side of the road. I could see two children in what shade a stack could provide…sitting atop a couple of stray bales off to the side, perhaps set there by dad. I could see a man and a woman several feet away from the kids, between the hay and the stricken car. I could see their frustration, the effect of the late afternoon heat and the fact they had no doubt been out there at the crest of Nine Mile Hill for quite some unforgiving time.

What I saw was a family, stranded in 100+ plus degree heat, many miles from shelter, water, help, safety…I had no clue if they had help on the way, if they were suffering from heat related issues, or of any other issues that might need tending to, in the middle of nowhere, on a God forsaken day. I couldn’t pull over directly because of the speed of my car and the quantity of traffic in the area, so I drove to a safe spot a little way up the road. I turned the car around and drove back to them. When I emerged from my much cooler car and into the heat, I waited to jog across the three lanes of highway there. I could see the tired look of gratefulness and frustrated resignation on the faces of the couple as they walked to greet me near their slumbered Explorer…I inquired into their condition, if they had water, a cell phone. I asked if they had help on the way…how long they had been waiting there stranded. We three adults peered under the hood of the car, discussing the state of repair, the symptoms of disrepair…the usual conversation when a family is stranded with a dead vehicle on a hot day.

I noticed then that the father/husband figure there in front of me wore a ball cap with markings to signify he was a retired Marine. I asked about his service. He replied, “recently retired…put in my twenty…” I shook his hand and thanked him for serving. I acknowledged the sacrifice he, his wife, and young family had obviously made while he served.

For a moment, I discussed the irony of his willingness to serve anywhere and any time since he was barely out of high school…for two decades. He discussed the fact that no less than a hundred and fifty cars had passed by this stranded family, without as much as slowing down. He did say I was the lone soul outside a State Patrolman to stop…but he quickly added the officer was “paid to stop”.

I was shocked and in utter disgust at the scenario I was a part of. I can’t imagine what excuse anyone would have to ignore what was obviously a family of four suffering on a hot day in the midst of little else other than haystacks, a few irrigation circles in the distance…with American flags at rest on a breezeless day…and miles of little else.

I mentioned the irony of his career and his service and his willingness to defend, to the death, total strangers in strange lands, at virtually any time, under any conditions…yet there he, and that beautiful young family, sat in the middle of his homeland, among those he fought to protect for all of his adult life.

The same country that sacrifices life and limb for sometimes unappreciative strangers, appears to be either afraid to stop and help a family today, or uncaring enough to not bother to step out into the heat, or even stop and crack a window to simply inquire as to the state of well being, safety, thirst, and rescue, of a man and wife and their two young children.

I thought about a lot of things in a few minute’s time…about the last six months of travel up and down this stretch of road. I felt my heart get heavy as I walked across the road to my car. Then I turned around and returned to the couple. I shook his hand again and apologized for the state of his country despite his twenty years to preserve our freedom here.

And before I turned away and walked away for the last time…I engraved the scene and moment into my heart and slightly saddened mind…and added a parting thought to the young couple’s memory of the day…I said, (and I said it in good humor) “In case you’re wondering about who stopped to help you in the middle of the heartland of Western America today…always remember…it was a Canadian…”

Matthew L Landsman

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I have always called him Little Terry. It is a term of endearment. Terry came to be a part of my life over 21 years ago. I was young, he was younger. I think we came to be friends quickly…He was dynamic, full of world-changing ideas. He was filled with a soul that defied his few years among us, yet youthful and brimming with wide eyed wonder all at once. He was an honorary big guy in a not-so-large body.

Terry was a fisherman.  He loved the search…the ritual of the chess game between him, the waters, the winds, the weather, the light, the currents, and of course, the fish.

Not long after our meeting, Terry found himself having to prove himself a worthy adversary, not unlike the fish he tried so hard to lure, hook, and draw from the depths beyond the bank or the bow. I witnessed him facing adversity of health, of career, of human frailty, of potentially spirit-sapping misfortune…Terry used these rough patches as incentive to fight against the metaphoric hook and line that seemed to be attempting to reel and steal him away from a good life, a productive life, a normal life… and at times, away from life itself.

But Terry, being a fisherman himself, was well aware of the tactics of the adversary that threatened his own life journey. At times, it seems he had been caught unaware and was nearly hooked and dragged from this world. But as a fighter of the good fight, he always managed to break free, to cheat his moment of fate time and again. Terry fished, and learned from it and grew wiser and wilier through it all.

I felt Terry looked up to me. I used to think I mentored him, set an example, encouraged and incited hope in him. He admired my stature, longed to be my height…to tote the loads I could muster at our place of work. I used to think he wanted to be more like me.

But in truth, Terry taught ME about toughness, about strength, about perseverance, and about overcoming long odds. He taught me about a lot of things after I got to know him. He rarely had two breaks in a row, yet even in the midst of rough times, he rarely missed a beat when it came to friendship. I learned resilience and was inspired profoundly by his will. I soon became an admirer of his, and ours became a friendship of mutual respect and admiration.

I have heard it said that if you feed a man a meal, you feed him for a day. But if you teach him to fish, you can help him to feed himself for a lifetime. Terry was my friend, and he was a teacher in his own right. Terry’s life taught me that life is like fishing…that it is at times heartbreaking, tough, and often leaves a soul hungry and empty-handed. But he also taught me that there is always another day, another spot that holds promise…that there is reason why it is called “fishing” and not “catching.”

It took me all these years to understand he had, in fact, been mentoring me all along. He showed me that a fish could care less if its opponent was taller, stronger, or any other number of self-appreciating traits. He taught me that one needs patience, desire, fair breezes, and a willingness to find that simple joy is in the fishing itself, even when there is little or no catching going on.

To be sure, there have been many occasions when Terry has been caught himself, and perhaps battered, but never outfoxed and landed. He was as much a wily old fish as he was crafty old fisherman.

Terry did finally get beat at his own game, but he did so while planning his next day of fishing. John Lennon said that “life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” I find myself needing to amend that thought with another…while you’re busy making your plans, the Good Lord may be making his own plans for you. In which case, should God’s plans come to fruition, the conclusion of life may be what happens. Evidently, the Lord needed a fishing buddy, so he called on Terry to cast a line out with him.

There was much more to Terry than fishing, but then there is also much to be learned from the simple act of casting a line over water and sending a seeking hook into the depths. Every day we cast out our intentions and aspirations over the water, and every day the life beyond this one is casting out its own, in search of all of us…luckily, we usually elude the bait and tackle for the better part of ten decades…although some simply can’t evade the inevitable but for a short while.

To sit and remember the good old days, one has to have once lived them. And we should be thankful always…even for what was in the past, or has simply been taken away in an untimely fashion. To have been blessed with a gift even if only briefly, is still a blessing…even when it is viewed in retrospect.

I think that Terry might have felt the following regarding his life:

I have fished the very river that has heard my confessions, absorbed my tears, nourished my body, and quenched my thirst for water and for life. The river has become a part of me, and one day soon I hope to become a part of the river itself. I will take parts of you with me to the river I love so. I will see all of you again somewhere down the road. In the meanwhile, I will fondly peer out along the banks of that river and hope to feel you there. I hope you feel my spirit too…

With the last of my breath having left me, the sum of my treasure will be entombed in my stilled heart, and assembled there at my resting place. I hope the assembly is large, and glad to have known me. I hope the bounty of their personal treasure is swelled with my contribution, and that they too see the value is in the life we live and not piled about your properties.

If there is a twinge of an empty feeling that finds you when a cool breeze sends a chill, or when a line in a movie sends you to a desolate place inside, it is just Terry paying you a momentary visit.

Terry has joined with those already gone on ahead of him. He will see the rest of you at the grandest reunion of all. You’ll find him fishing…wearing a baseball cap and vest…nursing a can of something cold, with a pinch of something behind his lip…and a bucket of pan-sized small mouth to fry up for you later on. His hands will be filled with rod and reel, his face will wear a smile…and his heart will be at peace there by the shore of that river. Be happy for him…

As for me, I’m going down to the bank of that river, I’m gonna cast my line out over the swells, and hope for lot of fishing, and regardless of whether I get a bite or not…I will be glad and thankful to simply be convening with the spirit of Terry while he sits next to me there, healthy again, and whole once more…casting out his own line…not just to pass the time, but to make the passing of time a gift, and a lesson on how life ought to be lived…patient, thoughtfully, and with eager anticipation of the nibble or strike at the hook.

Terry is off fishing, he’ll be fine.

Thank you Terry for teaching me to fish and, in turn, how to live life.

Vía con dios my friend.

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There are only memories,
where a garden used to grow. Some days I think she’d like to plant
a flower here, a snow pea there. Mostly she just rests and remembers…but
her memory isn’t always clear.

The rows she sowed still
remember her, the touch of her fingers, and the feel of her hands. But
the recollections of springs of the past are fading fast.

You will do well to
find the roses you hung to dry long ago. The connecting again with some
memories will one day be all that’s left to know.

And though the fields
have gone to weeds, long ago forgotten the touch of tilling, the water,
and the seeds…There is the scent of green, of life of love. It lives
on in you…you are the flowers now…grow proud and tall…
 

Matthew Lyle Landsman

Summer 2008…

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There’s a memory in my kitchen, hanging
over the sink. It teases me on a regular basis…each time I get a drink.
While I run the tap till the cooler water flows, the origin of it taunts
me, its faded petals and fractured leaves look down on me as the mystery
grows.

I’m not sure why I hung it there, nor
how long ago. There’s no clue except that a lot of time has passed
since there was still velvet in the petals, dewdrops on the leaves,
and a lingered scent.

Time and again I’ve heard it said,
“If these walls could talk…” In this case it is so…the wall
is trying to say something, but just what, I simply do not know.

It’s just an old rose in a dusty sandwich
bag…and also so much more. Once there was a reason I hung it there.
There was a day of relevance I wanted never to forget. Was it a moment
of pleasure, or of pain? There was perhaps a night of new love being
born, or a day when one met our maker and my world was drenched in life’s
proverbial rain.

How else do we mark such days? We stash
mementos in drawers, marks on a calendar, pictures on side tables, and
always we have songs. We absent mindedly leave things in the pockets
of a Sunday suit, a funeral program, a theatre ticket, a celebratory
cigar, a trace of life enjoyed, ended, or began.

But upon this wall I made a declaration
of a resolute sort to mark the time and remind me of it several times
each day. I’m not sure if it’s meant to urge me to smile or to miss
someone. In silent vigil it rings out with sorrow and joy alike.

A rose on the wall may mark a birth,
a celebration of a first dance, a marriage, a growing love, a faded
love, a last day on the job, a time of praying, first for life to be
saved, then for it to end swiftly and mercifully. It reminds me to not
take those in my life for granted, to live and not just live vicariously.
In not so many words, the writing is on the wall. A faded rose that
leads to prose…A metaphor for a floral visual aid to jog my memory,
which isn’t quite what it used to be.
 

Matthew Lyle Landsman

July 2008

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Please do your very best stay in touch
with each other. Give heartier handshakes, let conversations linger.
Have an extra coffee or two with your loved ones after those too rare
family meals. Let there be an added half hour of goodbye loitering when
two or more of you gather. Hug tighter; be generous with your gifts
of time, with your love too. I am told that you’ll never see a hearse
towing a U-Haul trailer to a funeral, so sacrifice a few dollars earned
thru too many hours working away from family and friends. The only things
you take with you are memories; the biggest things you leave behind
are your legacy, your love and smiles, and the echo of your laughter.
Make sure they are bountiful and always fresh and recently replenished.

Please take good care of yourself, take
one more walk and have one less drink or cigarette. I need all of you,
and we all seem to need more of each other more than ever before. I
Hope we can love one another more deeply, be sincere in our greetings
and farewells.  I pray that Christmas and other faith filled days can
see a return to their roots – and linger past the designated days.
If someone crosses your mind; find them, call them. There are reasons
for those thoughts and memories returning to us. Follow through. You
can never make up for time lost once someone has gone on ahead. And
always part on glad terms, just in case that parting with another ends
up the last that either you or the other is left to live on with. Go
on by leaving folks with a hearty hug, rather than a scowl and a grudge.
 

Matthew Landsman

Autumn 2007

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