Matthew Lyle Landsman

Sunday afternoon. Quiet day. A day of fog and cool. Very January and deep of winter. Yet the days grow steadily longer, and harbor a quiet promise, a journey that concludes with life underground becoming life the eye can see. Winter is in fact a time of promise, a time of slumber and what will be. Winter is but a quarter of the cycle, ninety degree of the circle of life. If one can endure, then one can bear witness to the emergence of new…of perseverance and will.
Winter is still, and poetry in motion all at once…
Huddle close my friends; the act that follows is well worth the wait…Matthew

Read Full Post »

The heaviest burden I carried then, and on this day…The hardest walls I was closed in by, is the need to forgive, to understand. Not to forget, but to let the moment be softened by a greater heart than the lesser mind…MLL

Read Full Post »

I started “writing” this whilst rinsing suds off my shower curtain…
You can’t paint a wall with one stroke of a brush; you can’t walk a mile with the very first step. You can’t fill the wine glass with one footstep of the crush, and you can’t recall if you can’t forget. But that’s a real fine place to start.
You don’t get tall just growing an inch, and you can’t be happy if you don’t know how to frown. You don’t ride the horse with just the saddle’s cinch. But you can’t do anything lest you make a start.
I didn’t learn to enjoy having one around, until I learned to live alone. I never appreciated light till I stayed awake till dawn. Never learned to hold so tight until I had to let go. Those harder things are part of the deal, and before I could love you, I had to learn to love me. And that was hard and took many years. I heard it said, “You can’t get there from here”, but I never knew what it meant till I’d hit bottom, and not on the first time.
You can’t raise a barn with just one nail. You can’t cross a river standing at the bank. You can’t embrace what it means to succeed, till you’ve fought back the tears at the moment you, or another did fail. No, you’ll never stand at a mountain’s peak till after the journey and the winds, the back slides, and fatigue. If you found it too easy, put another less able on your back and do it again. I’m sure then you’ll see what I’ve seen.
Standing in a forest doesn’t make you a tree, nor does picking the apple. Wishing something doesn’t make it so, but praying for it is a step and a great place to start. And praying to say thanks is an even better way to end the day after your desire came true. Always, always, remember where you came from. It was a real fine place to start.
There can be no green without a bit of wet gray, be no rest without a measure of toil. There can be no greatness lest another be humbled. And sometimes when I’ve finished second to another, I was satisfied. Because had I not been there for him or her, they’d never have been able to begin the journey at all. Even a victory is of no satisfaction if there isn’t another to help you celebrate. If you don’t agree, try being a parent. Finishing at all is sometimes a very fine place to start.
I don’t need to be the greatest arranger of words to enjoy my gift. I can’t change the world with just one line. But if my mind is left to not answer the call, and my hands sit idle, then I know I can’t make any difference at all. And the toss of even a tiny pebble can break the smooth water and start the mightiest message carrying waves of all. The first thought that got me here to share this tale was a very fine way to start.
When I began this journey, I knew many days that I was told I couldn’t get there from here. There were days I knew that doing what I was might keep me from heaven. And I was told as much. There were days I was afraid that stopping mid stride might leave me with too much to explain. And there did come a time when I was unable to forgive myself for the way I’d lived and that I might be turned away at the gates. But time went by, and when I asked if I be destined a dark eternity, I was told, “no son. Rest your troubled soul. You really can’t get to there from here.”

Read Full Post »

Read Full Post »

Not a resolution as much as a simple serving notice…My world is about to get a whole lot smaller.
2014…I did learn something “last year”.
Sadly, hard lessons are our teachers.
This year, I am uninviting several sorts of toxic people from my life. Whether you’re a mean drunk who thinks I need to be put in my place, at the top of your voice…Or a controller who thinks I need to have my every move aligned to suit your sense of order. Or just an inconsiderate bully stepping on the lives of those around you…I bid you an un-fond adieu.
I don’t take orders or harsh criticism when none are called for. Period.
I vehemently stick up for the underdog. In an ideal world, these folks could fit in my life. In an ideal world, those fatal character flaws wouldn’t exist. BUT this is the real world…
For those who know me, you know I’m fair and give a handful of “second” chances. Well, this year my hands are full of the lives of those who are good to me. I will be shaking their hands, patting their backs, sharing their life burdens, and helping to herd their flocks (if I am needed there.)
As for the toxic and explosive and murmuring behind my back lot of you out there…be you my brother, my neighbor, my coworker…even the angry soul in a grocery line…I don’t need to know your “special” situations, self appointed exceptions, and excuses that require you to drink, or not to drink, and rule the world around you.
I don’t care about your insecurities that give you free reins to rule and dominate. I don’t owe you, and you don’t owe me…and even if something is owed, it doesn’t include interest that deprives me of my freedom, dignity, and peace of mind. You’ll get your due, and I’ll take my piece of the road.
There are no excuses accepted or passes coming from me. I will forgive, but not forget.
These people in my life are literally killing me, spiritually and physically. I have been allowing myself to be eaten alive by some terribly flawed souls. I choose to live without them.

Listen closely toxic ones; “I am no longer giving you my permission to destroy my humble life…”
It just can’t work any longer. I can’t continue to keep drinking the poison myself and waiting for another to take ill and or perish from my life…MLL

Read Full Post »

Friday morning. The warm winds of last evening have subsided and leaves are strewn everywhere. Cooler outside too.
A lot can happen in the dark of winter night.
People are tossed by life’s storms too. I often wonder why some souls rarely find a smile, even in the midst of a sea of other smiling souls.
I talked to a lady who was put on part time recently, after being full time for quite a while. Life has become difficult with the cut in pay. Essentials only nowadays. And for the family, there will be no Christmas. Hard to explain to the little ones in her life. Grandkids needn’t be victims too. I had already (helped to) sponsor an anonymous family through the office at my job. But with my friend I see daily, it became personal and impossible to hope someone else would be their miracle.
After a quick trip to the bank, I quietly gave her 150 reasons to believe, and to be able give those babies in her life a Christmas.
I’ve been blessed by generous people for the past while, and had a bountiful couple of years. So I paid it forward, and even though it will pinch a bit later on, I feel richer than I have in a very long while. There is nothing as fulfilling as giving. Giving from the heart.
My Momma always picked a family to give to at Christmas (and year round if the truth be known, my Dad does so regularly too). And this morning I now know why they did so on a regular basis. Not because it feels good, but because it is simply the right thing to do. I still hear you Momma. You’re still making me a better man.
If you know a soul in the midst of their own personal storm and not even seeing the ends, never mind making them meet…be their miracle. Even a little miracle is still exactly that. A miracle. And truth be known, there are no small miracles, when one is lost to wander in a storm…MLL

Read Full Post »

Thanksgiving week. I have so much to be thankful for, but mostly for what I can give to others. I can give my support, my love, and incite prayers through my writings here and elsewhere. I can give smiles, and hope, and encourage faith. Through giving those things, I am gifted in return with a quiet air of gratitude through others having better days.
With all my toys, my new (to me) car, and my home…I would still have nothing without my wunnerful family, (including honorary kids and grand kids), pets…
But I think the thing I’m most thankful for is my gift with words. My perspective and ability to see light in the darkness, hope in sorrow, and love amidst the lonesome. These are all things one can’t see, but knows they all exist. I’m most grateful for my faith…not religion by denomination, but pure and simple; Faith. And knowing I will see my Momma and others gone on ahead. Matthew

Read Full Post »

just a letter…
“y”…it doesn’t seem like much at all. Just one of 26. But it makes my day, gives me hope, and enforces my faith in things. Not because it starts words like yes, or yesterday, or the color yellow. Nor does it have any secret meaning beyond the little ones you likely already know.
It is just the letter “y”. Even if you capitalize “Y”, it’s what it is.
But somewhere along the line over the last 55 years, someone added it to my name, and I thereafter became “Matty” to some. My Momma in particular.
She hasn’t uttered it in over 12 years…But on a regular basis someone else in my life will call me Matty, out of the blue. And then I smile, and sigh, and often get a bit teary eyed. Because I know Momma puts that simple letter out there, and it finds a soul and that name just comes out…
That’s when I know she’s out there watching over me, and putting that same warmth for me into the hearts of others. I nearly always ask what made that person suddenly call me Matty, and they say it felt right. I look at the sky, and into my heart, and thank the Lord for Momma’s continued presence in my life.
And I also thank Him, for the letter “y”. My favorite letter of all.
Love you Momma…see you somewhere down the road. In the meanwhile I’ll be here as you left me and flew off like a dove…I’ll be empty handed, with open arms. Matty

Read Full Post »

Some days its better to be a taker than a giver…
There are those that give headaches, give heartaches, give others a bad time. Give others fits, give reasons to cry, to lose sleep, to worry. Give others reasons to doubt…Not always best to give.
But there are times when it is best to take. Take heart, take away pain. Take a burden off of another’s shoulders. Take a minute to pray. Take a stroll, and take the others’ hand. Take time. Take trouble off another’s hands. Take the reins, take charge…take only what you need…Not always selfish to be a taker…

Read Full Post »

Read Full Post »