Written for the daughters of my friends, Kaila, 7…and Amber, 5.
Based on an actual incident…
Amber and Kaila got to stay up late. It was way past their bedtime. Kaila and Amber thought it was great.
Kaila and Amber…Amber and Kaila…Which one comes first? Which one will blink first? Which one is worst?
Their Mom and Dad were having a party that night…people would be here…everything was just right.
Cheyenne the black dog was behaving her best. She was practicing her shake-a-paw and wearing a polka dot dress.
The turtles were floating on lime green miniature boats, singing Jack Sparrow songs and wearing pirate coats.
The birds were dancing back and forth in their cage, singing cockatiel squeal songs and were convinced they were all the rage.
Kailer and Amba were jacked up on sugar…bouncing off all four walls, one after another.
Aleesha and Krystle were there preparing the snacks, pouring the putrid
punch into little sunglasses…It had rained cats and dogs earlier that
day, and they had filled the punch bowl full from water poodles
outside.
Good thing they got there in time, before the sun came back
out and the poodles were dried.
Amber Wamber and Kaila the Shmaila were very upset about this and both nearly cried.
It would all be happening soon, the cards would get dealt, and cars
would be stacked up high on the lawn. Jason would arrange them in
alphabetical order just like the DVD’s and games on the shelf…Only
the cars would be stacked according to the drivers’ first names.
One might say things were really on a roll…I saw that Amber Rose and
Kaila Nicole were swinging from the chandeliers, way out of control.
And then it happened. Nothing could have been worse…Mr. Matt dipped an
animal cookie in salsa! AND THEN HE ATE IT! AND HE DIDN’T EVEN SMELL IT
FIRST!
Well…that’s when the madness really began…
Amber Wamber turned three shades of green and gagged. Kaila the Shmaila
got mad and turned red…little puffs of anger steam came out of her ears
and out of the horns on top of her head.
Kailer screamed, “You can’t do that!”
And Amba cried at the top of her voice “You can’t eat animal cookies and salsa!, That’s just not right…!”
Mr. Matt just shrugged his shoulders and had another.
Amber Wamber and Kaila the Shmaila went out to the chicken coop and told their mother.
The parking attendant rhino out in the yard started blowing his horn…
The elephant in the basement had seen enough and was packing her trunk.
Cheyenne had been digging at the tree in the yard and was drunk from
the root beer. She was howling the “OH NO!” song…very loud and long.
Clevie and Amber were saying their prayers, while the crazy adults ate
animal cookies and salsa and bungee jumped off the top of the stairs.
The cockatiels just gave up, pulled their feathers out, and then lay
down in a pan. The turtles just kinda milled around, but if they could
have they’d have left their shells there and ran.
Mr. Matt was glad the girls didn’t want any of that great snack. That
just meant there was more for him, and he ate all he could. The girls
would never know this treat tasted so good.
Amber Wamber and Kaila the Shmaila had to go off to bed, but they had
terrible nightmares as visions of this crazy night and big people
eating animal cookies and salsa danced in their heads.
This might just be the greatest story I have ever read…Mr. Matt
Matthew Lyle Landsman
Summer 2008
Matthew Lyle Landsman 
I am with Amber Wamber and Kaila the Shmaila – cookies and salsa – arrrrgggggggghhhhh! Fun little wrting. Great names conjuring up pictures in my mind. Can see the illustrations that would go with!