Matthew Lyle Landsman

My little girl looked up at me and said, “I love you daddy. Do you love me back?”

I said, “Do I love you back? I DO love you back…and you front and you sides too!”

She looked up at me with a question in her eyes and said, “What about the top and the bottom? Do you love them too?”

I thought about it for a minute and finally said, “But what happens if you stand on your head, and your top ends up on the bottom, and your bottom winds up on the top? How will I know which end is which? And how will I know how to love your downside up bottom and upside down top ?”

She looked at me with a frown, sighed a heavy sigh and told me, “It doesn’t really matter at all, which side is up and which side is down. The top and the bottom are all still me. Even if you turn them upside down or downside up. No matter which way they are pointing, they are still me to love.”

I thought really hard…and then I got all confused and had to ask, “But what about your favorite cup? If I turn the top to the bottom, and the bottom to the top, then there are just sides and a bottom, but there is no top. And then there is no inside to fill up. I just don’t understand. Then is it still really a cup? If there is no place to put milk, or water, or juice to drink up?

My girl thought for a bit and finally said, “Even if my favorite cup is just a bottom without a top…there is still a place for the drink to be…but now it is just underneath, can’t you see?

I told her, “Kinda…I kinda can see.”

My little girl just smiled…and she said to me, “You know about my feet and you know about my head. You still know what they are even if my feet point to the up and my head points to the down. EVEN if my pointing down face gets red, you can still see my nose and my eyes and the other parts of my head. All my parts are still there for you to love. And my heart is always right there where it should be, and it always belongs to you… You are still you, and I am still me. Please always remember what I just said. I’m still me no matter which way you see. ”

And I thought and I fought to remember what she had just said. And I was afraid I might have forgot…but just to be sure, I asked her this to help me remember what I was afraid I had not.

I said, “So even if the lights go off or we’re outside in the dark, and I can’t see your back or your front, or your bottom and your top? Even if I can’t see your eyes and your nose and your ears and the other parts? And if I’m not really sure if all the parts are still in the right places, are all of the things I cannot see, still your back, front, top, bottom, and face? Even if my eyes don’t see, are you still you and am I still me?”

She was quiet for a while, because she knew I had to have a minute before I could see the parts about all of this inside the thinking place in me…And then she looked up again, and asked if I could kneel down so I could see her better, and she could better see me…and she told me to “listen real good cause this is the way things are and the way things always will be…”

She put one hand on each side of my cheeks, and looked into my eyes and said to me;

“Pay close attention, cause this is the last time I’m going to mention…That even if I’m in another place where you can’t see me, it won’t really matter if you can’t see my back or my top or my face or my feet…Even if my bottom is on top, or my top is on the bottom…You’ll still be you and I’ll still be me…and you can still love what you cannot see. That is the way it always was, and always will be. So now you know that I will always love you and you can always love me.”

And then I told her, “I would always remember what she had just said, but now I was tired, so it was time for her to go to bed.”

Then my little girl looked at me with a frown, but then she winked and turned the frown down side up to be a smile and said, “I’m tired too from untangling things in your upside down head, so good night mixed up man. I love you back, and you front and you bottom and top too. Good night to all of you daddy, I’m going to bed.”

I told her, “I kinda already knew what she had just said, cause girls love their daddies, and daddies love their girls. That is the way it always was and always will be.”

My little girl is really smart. Smart as can be.